I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
