The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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