everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
how does that bad decision feel?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
