I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
