we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
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She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
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Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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