I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
