the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
