The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
