i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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