Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
