these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
