Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
