There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
