I wish I could teleport
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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