hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
