I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
