Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
