remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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