I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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