I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
