awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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