I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
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