when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
