My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
