Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
