I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
