my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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