he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
