I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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