so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
