Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
