party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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