trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
