The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
The air taste purple.
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