How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Please, let me fuck your mom
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
