pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
