12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
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I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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