I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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