Sry I called you an 8
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
