His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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