my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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