Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I think my moral compass just broke
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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