I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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