and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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