I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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