i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
