I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
