I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
