Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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