also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
