D3 body, D1 cock
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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