We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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