I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
