mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
