Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
