I'm so fucking centered right now
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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