have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
