you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
