I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
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Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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