I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
