it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
jump out the window naked night went bad
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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