the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
