hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
