Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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