Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize