Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
