Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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