I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
